MY COUNTRY AS M/S INDIA (PUBLIC) LTD
(Satire)
To
Dear Shareholders (read as ASCHOMS, FICCI, CII etc.)
Sir,
We are proud to release this edition of annual report of board of directors (read cabinet) of M/S India (PUBLIC) LTD headed by Mr. Manmohan Singh, members-Mr. Chiddambaram, Mr Ahluwalia, Mr kamalnath. In this we wish to narrate the major actions taken by us in line with our corporate objectives of maximizing shareholders wealth.
In pursuance of our mission of building a corporation having largest market capitalization(read as GDP) we have taken several steps to bring efficiency and economy to our operations which interalia includes further leverage in our capital structure for achieving higher return on equity. For this we are seeking to build up a roadmap for procuring more finances needed for expansion(read recent debate on full capital convertibility) so that investors in west can lend us freely (read ECBS,FIIS,FDIS) by providing them adequate incentives in accordance with market requirements of greater return and liquidity. We further report about our proposal of offering huge discounts(read agricultural land procured for SEZS at throw away prices!) in our recent right issue for mobilizing funds required for expansion so that our shareholders can grow with us.
In order to bring further efficiency and economy in our labour cost we have fired (read dead owing to farmers suicide of about 2, 00,000 of our work force in ailing units of Vidhaba and Telengana) in keeping with global trends of lean organizations. We have achieved great reduction in our labour cost (manifested by report of UNDP that 40% children of our workforce being malnutrited ) as well as maintenance costs of such labour (read reduction in public investment in agriculture in recent years).This was achieved by following HR policies of adequate incentives to higher level of management(read increasing packages in corporate India)as compared to our earlier policies of compensating at workers level(read inadequate increases in minimum wages)resulting in worst gini coefficient).
We also seek your approval in reducing our societal expenditure to 3% of our profits (read target of reducing fiscal deficit to 3% of GDP by 2008-9).
To fight against labour disturbances(read Naxalism) due to above steps we have taken creative steps of arming some groups of labour themselves by creating vested interests to fight against them(read Salva Judam in Chattisgarh).Thus we are seeking to ward off this problem in cost effective way without incurring any additional investment(read investment required for removing regional imbalances in growth which results in naxalism. In respect of our ailing units in North East and Kashmir we are purporting policy of di-vestment (read more autonomy as compared to other states) so that we don’t have to pour additional investments in reviving sick units.
Further to take care of growth of our associates with us which are owned by major shareholders themselves (read Ambanis, Tatas, Murthys, Premjis) we have decided to reduce royalty charged by us (read reduction in corporate tax rates, excise and customs duty to bring them in line with south east asia) and even eliminate them in some special cases (read tax holidays in SEZ’S, 100% EOU’S, FTZ’S).
In respect of our energy requirements needed in expansion we are confident of fulfilling it in a cost effective way due to a breakthrough agreement with our joint venture partners (read nuclear agreement with US) by transfer of newer and improved technology from them. Though with regret we want to inform you that in keeping with demands of our new joint venture partner in energy we decided to break up our tie up with our old but inefficient joint venture partner in energy (read recent vote against Iran).
As you know in last few years we increased our profits by 8%(read buzz about growth in GDP).To purporate further this growth to 10% and above levels in our strategic plan currently in formulation (read approach paper of 11th five year plan) we have decided to adopt break through corporate strategy of demerging in keeping with global trends of merges and acquisitions our M/S India (Public) Ltd. in to two entities-M/S India (Elite) Ltd. and M/S India (Poor) Ltd. As per our vision of near future this step is likely to bring unprecedented efficiency and economy unparalleled in corporate history as perpetual, ailing, sick, inefficient, ineffective, non-contributing division of Poor Ltd. (read rural agriculturists and urban slum dwellers) would be left on their own to raise resources for their survival!!!
Thus our core management team could focus entirely on our flagship service division specially IT and fast upcoming high tech manufacturing divisions which will bring increasing valuation to our corporation (read high price earning multiple in stocks market) thus increasing wealth of our shareholders manifold.
We hope that you would appreciate the remarkable steps taken by us for maximizing shareholders wealth and be ambassadors of our recent growth agenda to outside world (read west)
-sd-
(MANMOHAN SINGH)
CHAIRMAN
M/S INDIA PUBLIC LTD
